Run

Instinct says run.  All the signs are clear in their intent.  Disappointment, hurt, things that are not supposed to be present, loom overhead, blocking out the sparkling sky, leaving only desperate stinging darkness.  Like a wounded animal, retreat to safety and forget a clearly impossible task.  It is not worth shattering what currently exists in the hopes of creating a stronger connection that may never materialize.

An Analogy

Compare it to having a pet squirrel.  You lay out some seeds and coax it out.  It may visit you very day and might even eventually let you touch it.  But it never truly belongs.  Every night it is called back to the wild.  The squirrel has no real attachment to you, only the treats you share.  If the neighbor were to offer a better fare, it would be gone.

Better to befriend a stray cat.  Their loyalty is fluid and follows the affection that they are given.  Love them and they will stay true, just be warned that when your attention to them wanes, so will their allegiances. 

Perfection

I had a dream last night.  It led me to a place of fantasy and wish fulfillment that made it difficult to let go of in the dawn.  It began with a journey into the dark with an intent to find a place of lonely peace.  A soft blanket on the ground and a million stars in the sky set the scene.   “No pressure, no obligation, simply be.”  Always so concerned, always protecting.  A gentle touch that fuels a deep rooted passion explodes in an instant.  Cares are lost to the darkness and worries cease to exist.  It’s just the stars, both in the sky and in the act.  In the simplest of actions, perfection finds itself and time stops.  I close my eyes, drifting under the twinkling sky and awaken with the crack of dawn.

Expiration Date

I am content in my role of being “of the moment,” but at the time feel confined by the knowledge that part of me must stay locked away, protected from the hurt of knowing that I carry an expiration date that limits my value. It’s the “for now” that troubles me. How do I let go when the possibilities of replacement hover in the background, just waiting for the slightest misstep?  How quickly does your mind pass from one to another?  I want so much to feel along with experience, yet fear seizes my heart the moment it begins to weaken.  There is no quick solution to this dilemma, only a request.  Give me my moment. In my time, forget all others and be mine.  Forget my expiration and pretend that we have eternity and perhaps what tangles my heart can drop away and allow me to believe.  

So Sappy...

I miss you...

Bipolar?

You can’t imagine what its like to see the world through my heart and eyes. What others see as dingy and typical, I see as glorious and new. Each item glows with an intensity that makes it pulsate with life. Bright pastels pour from every cell creating a fog of mystery and magic that encompasses all who stand near. One cannot help but to be romanced by the possibilities of all that surrounds us. But illusions all must have their boundaries.  Every glowing feature also bears a warning.  Tiny sharp thorns wrap their tentacles around every moment creating a peril that is often not seen until the damage has been completed.  Every step must be carefully placed in order to avoid the devastatingly beautiful snares that constantly drag you down. Without losing yourself in a field of lunacy, you can’t even begin to understand what it means to dance through life bearing the magical veil that I possess.

Trouble

I was safe.  No harm would come from my direction.  I meant it when I spoke those words.  I truly believed that history had died and with it died any chance of resurrection.  Funny how innocently wrong we can be.  In just a blink, sleeping demons awaken and bring with them a comfortable turmoil that slides in to place just as it had never left.  The part of me that I had always assumed had faded away was merely waiting, patiently, for the opportunity to breathe again.