My Beautiful Anya

Joyful jubilance bubbles forth in giggling madness; eyes wide with innocence and hope. Unscarred by life’s sharp edges, she shines with a vibrancy that cannot be created; only radiated by one true of heart and spirit.  Each new day opens with a clean slate.  The past is a fog and the future never comes.  Every step is on a shimmering magic carpet that only ends at the farthest reach of her imagination.  All covering a heart that knows only love and gives it freely as if like breathing. 

A Letter

A long time ago when my days were new and my years fewer, I gave you my heart.  Sure, it was the wild carefree heart of a bird, but it was given absolutely.  From that first tender instant I knew I would forever have you in my world.  Regardless of the distance, both in miles and in emotion, and in spite of my unwillingness to acknowledge it, part of me always belonged to you. 

It’s in the quiet lingering moments when it all comes rushing back to me.  The butterflies in my stomach, the rumbling in my heart, the heat in my mind…  It’s like stepping back in time, but instead of the frantic rush of emotion that blinded me as a child, I feel a sense of comfort that things are back as they are meant to be. 

You, the one who loved me through my faults and flakiness, were always a steady presence in my life.  You created in me the idea that I deserved the best.  Taught me that I should be valued, appreciated, loved without trepidation.  And in doing so, made me expect such things from all who drew near.   I thank you truly for that.

Today I reach a point of acknowledgment instead of resolution.   It’s not about deciding to care, but rather admitting that I do.  The ache when you pull away confirms what has always been quietly true.  Just as my heart was given as a youth, it’s still dwells firmly in the palm of your hand and I see little chance that that will ever vary.

Just be gentle…

Run

Instinct says run.  All the signs are clear in their intent.  Disappointment, hurt, things that are not supposed to be present, loom overhead, blocking out the sparkling sky, leaving only desperate stinging darkness.  Like a wounded animal, retreat to safety and forget a clearly impossible task.  It is not worth shattering what currently exists in the hopes of creating a stronger connection that may never materialize.