The Messenger

I watch and wait.  Just as staring at a picture of a long awaited excursion gives it’s traveler hope, this image offers me a sense of peace and comfort.  Do not see my patient lingering as a sign of weakness or worse, lunacy.  It is simply a reminder of dreams and wishes that are normally lost at the first light of dawn.  Without even a word, that image transports me back to the deep valleys of my mind where hungry monsters sleep with ears standing tall, awaiting a cue to attack.  That presence offers a path to escape, to explore, and to feed.  It silently calls them to their feet and urges them to run instead of continuing to fade into nonexistence.  Without it, they sink into the quiet darkness, muffled by the distraction of the great beyond.  So I wait, all the while beginning to doubt my own sanity as I become the prisoner of a list that holds the only connection I have to my most intimate demons.

A Request

"Trust me,” she asks, she requests, she pleads.  The irony of the situation is not lost on her.  How do you trust one that by definition of her role proves to be a liar?  How do you see past that to the part of her that is gleaming with virtue?  Some can’t, many won’t.  With her whole heart she hopes that he will try.  She needs him to know that while her shell might be tarnished, her core is pure and she will never betray him in either spirit or actions.  Her loyalty is total and complete, with no chains attached or coded rules to follow; as her sincere intentions are only to support and encourage him and to perhaps eventually be there for him to confide in without fear of consequence or judgment.

“Trust me,” she asks.

Circus Wire

It’s a carefully balanced path that I follow. Stretched tight between what-if and maybes, I cautiously pace out my journey through life’s great adventures.  

An Addiction

My drug overwhelms me. It’s fantastic purity is the essence of what makes men go mad. No promises of grandeur, no guarantee of wish fulfillment; simple and primal self-satisfaction. In that moment of consumption, the consequences mean little. The fog of indulgence serves a worthy purpose of hiding future failures. The total and complete loss of restraint can take the blame for so many deeds. Without even trying, I have made myself an addict of my own indulgence. I close my eyes to any chance of recovery, even more, I would shun such an offer. Allow me this sin. Allow me this transgression. For sobering virtue could hardly match up to this kind of bliss.

Observations

Transport yourself fifty years in the future. Look back at the millions of steps you have taken and evaluate if you really made the right choices. Were you happy? I don't mean comfortable, I mean the kind of happiness that makes you cherish the passing moments of your day. Did you say everything that needed to be shared? Did you hold the one you were meant to have? Why wait until you are breathing your last shallow breaths to assess how your life went. As difficult as it is, really look around and see if you are where you truly want to be and then take a step in a direction that you can look back on and sincerely be pleased with.

Jello

How useless is it to dislike your current situation in life, but then do nothing to change it? I see those around me that are supposed to be strong and able to think and act for themselves, but have somehow turned to jello along their life and now cannot defy the wills of those around them. They don't voice their wants or their hates, they simply roll along bouncing from pebble to pebble wondering in the end how they got so bruised up.

Band-Aid

Ahh, delusions... They are a kind of band-aid for the heart. Rather than deal with the pain of change, cover it up with a smiley colorful sticker that convinces you that all is healed. Forget that beneath that perky shield lies a real wound that is going to have to be dealt with at some point.